Usually, we think about setting boundaries when something isn’t working quite right either physically or emotionally. A coworker being rude to you at work… People speaking too loudly outside your office door… People interrupting at the wrong time… People smoking in your car… People telling off color jokes… ETC ETC ETC
Setting boundaries can be a very powerful and useful way to help you further your goals and successes.
But here’s the thing. Setting boundaries really means defining your own behavior, not someone else’s. My mother told us repeatedly, “as an adult, it is not your job to teach other people life lessons.” It is not about limiting someone else’s behavior, it is about defining your own.
I remember vividly having a daily frustration because one of my managers, on his commute to work would develop a head of steam or a great idea about this or that issue, and pop into my office to raise that issue – before work officially started, before I had organized my day, and before I was in a problem-solving mode. It really messed up my daily planning, because I would end up working on that idea or issue rather than finishing organizing the priorities for the day. I put up with this way too long, and when I finally had the gumption to ask him to honor my first 15 minutes of the day so that I could conduct my daily planning, everything settled down, and our synergies worked for both of us. Why in the world had I not done it sooner?
Setting boundaries is about controlling your response. It is about no longer being a victim. It is about you being an active participant in your own success.
In the above example, the simple solution was for me to communicate that unless it was an absolute emergency, I did not want to be interrupted until 8:30 AM. That was honoring my behavior and my needs…
So, what areas of your life or situations in your personal or professional life are really bugging you? Here are some examples:
- For the office worker who interrupts you several times daily every day, request that you will appreciate them setting up a daily meeting, with agenda items, or simply consolidating all the questions, and stopping by the office with less frequency.
- For the coworker who calls and emails you during weekend or family time, you can respond to their calls and emails on a schedule that you choose.
- For your golf guest who you know spends a great deal of time on his or her cell phone, request that the cell phone be left in the car prior to the start of the round and explain that that is what you do as well.
- Just remember that setting boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally healthy. The stronger your boundaries are, the better you can maintain talents, self esteem, and to have mutually beneficial relationships.
