Keeping with our focus on assertiveness this month, I’d like to share some tactical ways for you to stand up for yourself. After all, isn’t that one of the ways we can assert ourselves?
- Let people know how you want to be treated. This means actually communicating with them about your needs and your boundaries. Many people try to do it passively through body language, or not at all, and these approaches really don’t work well. As an example, for the worker who comes into your office each morning before you’ve had a chance to plan your day, it is better to request that he or she waits until a specific time, so that you can plan your day. showing negative body language when interrupted won’t get the results you want as quickly, and may leave an unwanted impression.
- Come at it from the right place. The difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is a complete respect for the other party. If you have even an inkling of disrespect or “I’m right and you’re wrong” attitude, they will sense it and feel it. So even before you assert yourself, make sure you are truly in a place of respect and appreciation for the other.
- Practice your communication. Because some efforts at assertiveness may have the potential to upset those on the receiving end, organize your thoughts, plan your communication, and even practice it. The best assertion is a respectful one, and a kind one as we noted above.
- Sync your body language. Your body language can counteract your intentions if not synced with your verbal communication. Beware of any negative body language, and use positive body language to help you make your case.
- Avoid apologizing. You don’t need to apologize for your boundaries, needs or feelings. Your assertive manner will be more powerful when you assertively state your case, again, in a respectful and kind way.
- Pick your battles. Just because you’re enhancing your assertiveness, remember that there is power in choosing the right battles, not all of them. Work on the most critical ones first. Remember the 80:20 rule…
- Do it! Many people avoid confrontation at their own expense. One of the best assertiveness strategies is to take action. Not just think about it. You will honor yourself in the manor you deserve.
