Boundaries can help us honor ourselves. Setting boundaries may not always come naturally or easily. But learning to set our own healthy boundaries is a way of establishing personal freedom.
Sometimes this means letting go of the unhealthy people in our lives, personally or professionally, so that we can move our own agendas forward.
Setting boundaries is not about making threats – it is more about communicating the lines that you draw about actions, behaviors, communication styles, and even setting physical boundaries. And then –honoring them by sticking to them. An important point is that when you enforce your boundary, others may not be happy about it. It also follows that if you don’t enforce a stated boundary, you will be destined to experience it once again. Then YOU won’t be happy.
We’ve all had relationships with people who “push our buttons.” People who aggravate us. People who are rude to us. People who take advantage of us.
One way to deal with these button pushers is to set boundaries.
- For someone who is perennially late, you can explaine to them that if they are late again, you will leave without them.
- For someone who continually uses swear words in business settings, you can explain to them that that is not appropriate in the meetings you run, and you will point it out the next time it happens.
- For someone who is verbally abusive to you, you can explain to them that you will not tolerate verbal abuse and will leave the setting immediately.
- With difficult people, innuendos really don’t work. Communicating the source of your agitation specifically is the only way to go. Communicating professionally, effectively, and respectfully will garner the best results. Communicating directly to the ” difficult person” rather than talking to others about it is key.
- It is important to remember that setting a boundary is about giving other people choices and outlining the consequences for the decisions they make. It is not about you winning and them losing – it is about honoring what is important to you and enforcing it in a respectful way.
Just remember, the only boundaries you can really set relate to you. You can’t change other people; you can only change how you respond to them and how you behave as it relates to them.
