Sometimes “no” is better than “yes.”
Why are we so afraid to tell people “no”? Do we fear disappointing them? Might they think less of us? Are we afraid to admit that we aren’t super human?
In this fast paced aged, I find myself continually reminding my coaching clients that they wont “find” time, they must intentionally “make” time for what is important to them.
Saying no is really about managing your priorities. Not theirs. If you allow it, you could be busy 24/7 with other people’s stuff – their needs, their passions, their charities, their kids, their careers… the list is endless.
Being able to say no enables you to be true to yourself. Even though you might disappoint someone, it is important that you manage your own stress level so that you can truly help others. So it isn’t really about being selfish, rather, it is about managing your energy and time schedule so that you are available to help when help is truly needed.
Deciding these priorities isn’t rocket science. We all know when we’ve said yes when we should have said no. There are several ways to soften the blow – ways to say no that are respectful and get the job done.
The most important element in saying no is that it is authentically you. Be honest. Don’t make excuses. Don’t lie. Just tell it like it is… Here are a few examples that you might consider:
- “I can’t do it right now, but I should be able to help you next ____.”
- “I’m sorry, I just don’t have any room in my calendar right now.”
- “I can’t, but let me give you a few names of people who can.”
- “I’m in the middle of _______ project, and can’t spare the time.”
- “Frankly, I would rather say no than to do a mediocre job.”
- “I’m focusing on my personal and family life right now.”
- “I want to focus more on my business/career for the next _____ months.”
- “Frankly, I don’t enjoy that kind of work. I am much better at ______.”
- “I can’t serve on a committee, but if you have any spot jobs, please don’t’ hesitate to call.”
- “I can’t, but am happy to help with __________.”
- “Unfortunately, I’ve learned from the past that that is not my strong suit.”
- “I don’t do well when I split my attention among too many projects.”
- “I have committed to leaving some time for myself in my calendar.”
Sometimes it’s okay just to say no! Saying no can be saying YES to yourself. Just make sure that you say it in a way that expresses respect and courtesy — that leaves the door open for good relations.
Just remember, “no” can be one of the healthiest words that can come out of your mouth. When you nicely tell someone “no,” you are really saying that you understand and accept your own LIMITS, and want to avoid doing a shoddy job by overwhelming yourself. People will respect that you value your time and priorities and aren’t willing to take away from the truly important things in your life.
What other ways have you used to successfully say “no”… nicely?
I don’t find this rule applies to the office. In my position, “No” is not an option. I am an administrative assistant, therefore I am here to serve. I don’t mean that in a demeaning manor but I know I would be told that “No” was not in my job description. My job is to make everyone else’s job easier.
Hi Kathleen,
Yes, I understand your position. “No” may not apply in business. But many times it does apply in your personal life, because we end up with so many things on our lists that we aren’t getting the right stuff done, or taking care of ourselves. I appreciate the time you took to comment! Marsha
On the contrary, I don’t think people use “No” enough in business. Granted it needs to be used in a different way and with care, but taking on countless projects without appropriate resources (the most important of which is your own time!) can be catastrophic for the team/business, and ultimately for you.
A simple “Yes I’d love to take that on but I’m currently committed to *list projects* I may need your direction as to which should take priority or who can help me get both done” should be enough to open the door to further discussion about what really is important and urgent and what can wait an hour/day/week/month and whether there are any colleagues who can support you. Expecting staff to just conjure up more hours in their day than actually exist is not conducive to happy employees and increased productivity, only misery and burnout.
Excellent point. Too many times people assume the priorities of tasks without verifying the priority with the task maker.
Dear Kathleen,
You don’t necessarily need to say, “no.” I was recently asked to work on a data-entry project and frankly I was a bit offended they asked me to do it in the first place; all I heard was, “We have more important things to work on, but you’re an Admin so you should just do it.” Then it came to me like an epiphany! I wrote back “You know me, I’m always happy to help! How time sensitive is this? I have a backlog of projects to get through before I can start something new.” They replied immediately that they would handle it. I hope this helps, or you found a better job since.
I have found that being able to say No when it is necessary really makes a difference in having sufficient energy to face the day to do the things that truly matter. It also means that you find enjoyment in your days because you are not committed to doing projects which wear you down. Try it! You would be surprised what a difference it would make in your life. You will actually find some “me” time.
I’m glad there is an article out there that talks about this issue, but I don’t think it fully addresses the issue for administrative employees and the emotional toll it takes on us. It’s in our job description to be supportive, and many of our job descriptions are open-ended to include additional tasks, “as needed.” So, saying ‘no’ isn’t easy when most people expect you to say ‘yes.’ Admins also run the risk of not being perceived as team players, especially if you have to say ‘no’ often, as I do. At my company, both the receptionist position and the administrative assistant position in my office were both cut to part time (20 hours per week) and my own executive support position was expanded to include managing a 40,000 sq. ft. facility (with 140 employees) and managing the front desk (in addition to my regular full-time job). Saying ‘no’ can be quite stressful, and could hurt your professional reputation. On another note, not all of the “no” quotes listed in the article above sound particularly friendly, especially if the receipient of your message isn’t expecting such a direct response. …and don’t even get me started on the gender disparty for women with direct communication styles.
Hi Abbey, wow, I feel your pain. Sometimes it is a matter of gaining agreement on what tasks are more important than others. Sometimes a non emotional discussion of all the items on your plate and their due dates can be eye opening to those assigning the tasks. I’ve seen bosses continue to “pile it on” because their staff continue to accept it, even though they know their workers are bursting at the seams. It isn’t right, but it happens because they have other priorities. One of the best ways to deal with this is facts… Thanks so much for your insightful comment.
Dear Abbey,
I see what you mean about the quotes not sounding friendly. Perhaps you can substitute, “I can’t…” with “How time sensitive is this…?” and finish with something like, “You know me, I’m happy to help, but I have a backlog of projects to get through before I can start something new.”