One of my coaching clients recently asked me: How do I really influence others to want to be better without preaching and telling? And yes – the first answer is — Don’t preach, lecture, or tell. Here are two ways that work:
- Listen caringly
- Improve yourself.
1. Listen caringly. Let’s recognize that you can’t “make” others want to be better. You can’t do it for them, instead, help the other person see a clear picture of what better looks like, internalize the benefits of “being better”, and perhaps most importantly see themselves as capable of reaching that level of improvement.
To do this, you’ve gotta listen. A lot. You can begin to make progress on all these fronts by engaging the other person in ongoing conversation. Learn more about their goals and dreams. Learn about their struggles. Learn about their successes. All of this will help you see how you can help them see the picture of the future that works for them. If you expect this to be a one-time conversation, think again. Your ongoing, caring listening will help open doors that they might not see. 2. Improve yourself. Your commitment to continuous improvement will build trust. When others see you as open to new things and self improvement, they will more willingly share with you. Your behavior will also influence them to the degree that others see you being willing to change and willingly studying, trying and improving. 
Actions do speak louder than words, and especially when you’re helping others who may not initially want or seek your help. Ready to give it a shot?
