It is always dicey to have to feel like you need to give feedback or constructive criticism. This was an energized discussion that we had at last week’s Coaching at The Corner, at Mitchell’s Book Corner on main street in Nantucket.
Sometimes I am confounded by the way some people approach giving feedback to others. No one is perfect, so there definitely will be times when it will be necessary to provide feedback, also known as constructive criticism, to others. This can happen any time, and it does. But is an actual necessity in a business environment as we all strive for continual improvement, profitability, and extremely successful customer relationships.
I see it all the time, it honestly drives me crazy when I see that the person explaining the misstep’s goal is to make the perpetrator “feel bad.” Frankly, that just doesn’t work.
The goal is to change behavior so that it doesn’t happen again. Behavior in the future is the goal of the discussion. If you focus on trying to make the person feel bad, you will probably succeed, but chances are if they change their behavior, it won’t be a willing thing; it will be more compliance based. And, oh by the way, they will have a negative impression of you that could be harbored for a long time.
Instead, let’s take the approach that we are going to sell the person on why the behavior change is useful to him or her, the group, and you personally.
Here is what works:
- Focus on specific behaviors.
- Focus on the future.
- Take the approach that you are partnering with the person, rather than you are the superior of the person.
- Be sincere in your concern for the person and his or her behavior and how it impacts your organization.
- Truly believe that they are capable of changing the behavior that is not serving him or her well.
The explanation:
A private discussion, without interruptions, in a familiar environment can be very useful. What This is the part of the interchange when you “hold the floor.” This is YOUR discussion. Ask that you not be interrupted while you take the time to explain the situation– this is key to your success. It is not disciplining, instead it is focused on changing behavior.
- To start, build rapport. Show respect for the individual.
- Clearly explain the misstep, relative to the desired behavior.
- Give evidence. Specific evidence.
- Relate to the situation. This humanizes you and keeps the communication lines open.
- Sell the person on why a change of behavior is good for him or her, why it is good for his or her department or workgroup, and don’t hesitate to sell him or her on why it is good for you as well.
The response:
In this part of the discussion, you ask for any comments, and listen without defensive responses.
Avoid getting into the weeds on minor details, just listen appreciatively and sincerely.
The fix:
if there is anything to be fixed, this is one you ask the cooperation of the person to fix the misstep, or to follow up. By agreeing on what the future behavior will be, you can solidify your expectations and they can become clear on them.
Reassure:
After the discussion takes place in its entirety, wrap up by reassuring the person that you believe that they can and will change their behavior, and that it will serve everyone well.
As you can see, this is a bit of a process, but I can tell you – it works. It is important that you follow the steps. What works about it is that you maintain respect for the individual, you’re focusing on their future, you are being respectful , you are caring about them , and you are selling them on how their behavior can be a positive impact on your organization and with you.
Why wouldn’t someone want to change his or her behavior ?
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The Feedback Formula” on Amazon
