Many of my clients have struggled with feeling nervous and insecure about having conversations with their bosses or people who they feel the need to impress. They’ve wanted to sound confident in their delivery of a message.
This week, at our biweekly Coaching at The Corner, we tackled the subject. Needless to say, it was an energetic discussion.
Here are some of the points we reviewed:
Mindset
Before you communicate at all, your mind should be in the right place. Lack of confidence can derail any great recommendation, so here are some points to consider:
- Decide your convictions. Before you speak, be clear with yourself on what your opinion is. When you know what your position is, it is more effective to communicate it.
- They were you once. This is an interesting concept, because every person you speak with has been in a situation similar to yours. In other words, they felt insecure once or twice, or more than that. When you realize this, it might soften your stress about having that communication.
- Be authentic. You need to be you. Don’t try to be someone else. Make sure your opinions are your own, and that you are being true to yourself and your opinions. By being authentic, you are building in trust for yourself.
- Be respectful. Whenever you communicate, is mission-critical for you to be respectful of the other person. There are so many good reasons for this, but one of the most important is that if they feel you disrespect them, their defenses will be immediately engaged.
- Don’t interrupt. While this may appear to be an action, it is really a mindset. It’s important for you to plan to not interrupt – at all. As with our last point, interrupting is disrespectful. No matter how animated you become, be prepared to let the speaker finish.
- Put defensiveness on hold. Again, prepare to not be defensive – no matter what is said. Your defensiveness can get in the way of you thinking and acting clearly, so plan to further your point without taking offense.
Actions.
Here are some tips about having the actual communication, that can help you make your statement strongly, and with authority:
- State your position. Your ability to state your position clearly and succinctly at the outset can set up this communication for success. If you believe it, say it with conviction.
- Answer questions. Once you’ve stated your position, there may be comments or questions. Answer those questions respectfully and honestly and with an intent to help the other person understand.
- Listen. Your ability to communicate with authority is directly related to your ability to listen to the other side. It shows respect, and a willingness to work together.
- Think. It is okay to remain quiet while you think of a response. Think clearly before responding. Think without being defensive.
- State your position. We mentioned this previously, however if your position has not changed after dialogue, restate your position in the same manner.
- Focus on the positive. When you communicate with authority, remember to stay positive and to focus on the positive outcome. This becomes a win – win for all involved.
