The Blame Game
Category: Self Ownership / Attitude
“I’m sorry I didn’t call, I didn’t have your number in my phone.”
“I’m sorry I’m late, I got stuck in traffic and didn’t know any detours.”
“I’m sorry about that report. My PC crashed and I lost the supporting information and the replacement files were back at the office.”
Excuses. We all have them. It starts early in our lives with such gems as “The dog ate my homework”.
Have you ever noticed that the vast majority of our excuses apportion blame to an absent third party, or some type of ‘force majure’ outside our control?
Whether it’s an errant phone, traffic jam, PC or even the family pet, it was their fault. They had the power in this situation. Excuses weaken your integrity and perceived personal power by attributing that power to the wrong stuff. If your phone or PC has more power than you, then what does that say about you?
There’s a rule they follow at West Point academy. For the first year, cadets may only respond to their seniors with four responses – “Yes sir,” “No sir,” “I didn’t understand the question, sir” and “No excuse, sir.” That’s it. No ifs, no buts, no excuses. The rationale behind this is to kick the habit of making excuses or playing the blame game out of the cadets and change the way they think – forcing them to take responsibility for their actions.
Can you imagine how different life would be if no-one could make an excuse for a full year?
By getting rid of excuses, you learn to take responsibility for you and everything you do – just like the West Point cadets. This is important because, when you accept responsibility for your action or inaction; you take control of your destiny, you boost your integrity, and you increase your personal effectiveness.
The English poet, Henley, wrote a very famous poem called ‘Invictus’. The final two, very famous, lines are “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” This is what I want for my life – don’t you want the same?
Of course, taking responsibility isn’t s cure-all for making mistakes. Things go wrong, it’s a fact of life. However, treat these times as learning opportunities rather than jump to the default ‘blame game’. For example, when you’re late for a meeting because of traffic, think about what you could have done differently to make sure you got there on time. Maybe you could have left earlier? Checked traffic reports? Taken an alternative route? Ditching the excuses opens up a whole world of opportunities to learn, develop and become more effective in your life.
No one is perfect, and I guarantee that you will make mistakes. Computers will crash. Traffic will hold you up. It is how you respond to these inevitable situations that can help you grow or hold you back. I believe that 10% of life is what happens to you, and 90% is your response.
If your natural response is to go through life blaming anything or anyone but yourself, you can get stuck in a rut and effectively sabotage your own personal development. Blaming others gives them more power than you and takes away your opportunity to improve your performance and your results.
On the flip-side, when you ‘master your fate’, as Henley put it, it opens the door to learning and enhancing your own growth. Taking responsibility for errors and things that didn’t go quite to plan is a form of personal honesty. You have got to be honest with yourself about situations in order to take responsibility for them.
“I’ve really should have backed up my computer system.”
“I could have left for the meeting 20 minutes earlier…”
“I could have easily looked up the telephone number, or called information for the number.”
This kind of honesty empowers you, and gives you a great feeling of integrity. It’s energizing. I’m not suggesting blaming yourself for everything; I’m advocating simple, honest acknowledgment of the truth of the situation so that you can learn and grow.
Learning is progress, development, and empowerment. When we play the ‘blame game’, we turn our backs on that opportunity to learn.
